“Lost Girl” Recap (3.13): On the road to everlasting wander

In the operating room a freshly scrubbed in Lauren walks over to a restrained Dyson. She tells him resistance is futile, and we all look for evidence of assimilation. Clearly, it’s the Borg making Evil Lauren happen, right? She jabs Dyson with a big-ass needle to extract bone marrow and he screams. A few seasons ago this might have been the ultimate Team Lauren wish fulfillment. But now, save the wolf, save the Doccubus.

Meanwhile, Kenzi is saving her own skin. Well, she’s saving Bruce, the henchman’s skin, which got zapped by the Morrigan. Mr. Muscles turns out to be just a big tattooed teddy bear with a Ph.D. in medieval Fae-verse. He vows to end things with Her Meanness, thanks to Kenzi’s tutelage.

Then he let’s her in on why she’s still alive. Hale slipped Dyson’s engagement inauguration present in her pocket when he was handcuffing her. It’s a magic Twig of Zamora which bestows immortality on those who possess it. Kenz realizes it was Hale trying to protect her. I realize I’m supposed to be on Team Hanzi/Kale/Whathaveyou here, but I can’t help but start to ship Benzi.

The world’s worst security guards open up Bo and Tamsin’s cell to stop them from “fighting.” Lord, what fools these mortals be. Tam-Tam goes full Valkyrie on them and they all go obediently unconscious. But, unfortunately, so does she for a bit afterward. But not before telling Bo to find Dyson and get back her “Wilco bootleg.” Interesting, I always saw her as more of a Sonic Youth, Sleater-Kinney, Yeah Yeah Yeahs kind of gal. Or maybe just Nine Inch Nails.

Bo releases all the captive Fae and grabs her mom. They run into Taft’s office where he is already fully recovered and dressed after the world’s fastest bone marrow transplant. He’s moving at blur-inducing speeds. So the procedure took. He’s cocky and gross, talking about being reborn and mating. As Speedy Gone Fae leaves he goes to stab Bo, but Aife jumps in front. Really, you’re Fae and you’re still using human weapons? Weak sauce.

Just then Dyson busts in, because you can bet on Lauren after all. He’s none the worse for wear, except for a bandage on his hip. Bo tells him whatever Taft is needs to die and he obediently wolfs out and runs off. Bo is left holding her mom. Wouldn’t this be a point you might consider giving her some chi? I know you were having some chi dysfunction problems earlier, but if at first we don’t succeed. She tells her to “Look out for him,” but leaves the him part maddeningly vague. Tamsin arrives, revived and ready to “end this.” The Cabbit arrives as well, and says she’ll stay with Aife. Silly Cabbit, chi is for Succubi.