“Carmilla” recap (2.21 & 2.22): Hole in my heart

The thing I like so much about Carmilla is that it always keeps me guessing. One moment it’s zany, almost slapsticky in nature; the next, it’s ripping out your heart with a grapefruit spoon. This week was heavy on the latter. Buckle up, bbs—let’s get to recapping.

As we know, the Scoobies are hiding Carmilla and Mattie from Vordenberg’s death minions. Laura and LaFontaine are playing some sort of game where they drop sticks. Is this a Canadian Austrian thing? Asking for a friend. Anyway, as they are having fun (as much as you can have while tossing sticks onto a table) the goon squad bursts in, looking for some vamps. Of course, the Scoobies play dumb. 

Screen Shot 2015-08-14 at 9.37.03 AMOf course there are no vampires here! We are a strict no vampire household now. We even burned our copies of Twilight.

Kirsh can’t help but notice blood on the couch but Perry is like, “I’m starting an artisanal beet pickling operation when I move out of this hellhole and into Brooklyn.” No one believes her, but Danny snaps that if they say there are no vampires here, there are no vamps. Also Danny is in charge which pissed the minions off, well, except for Kirsch. Theo makes a snide lesbian comment about how close Danny and Laura are, and it cuts a little deep because A.) they aren’t lesbianing together and B.) Danny’s heart is still kind of invested in that lesbianing that wasn’t.

Danny sends everyone off, and has some real talk with Laura. Danny knows Laura is lying to her. She tells Laura things are getting better on campus but she’s worried that Mattie and Carmilla will jeopardize that. Laura assures her that isn’t the case. As Danny goes to leave, Laura calls her over. They sit really close and look into each other’s eyes, and even with that spell on her forehead, Danny is undeniably dashing.

Screen Shot 2015-08-14 at 9.46.31 AM“Have you ever thought that I was kind of the love child of Faith from Buffy and Anna from ‘Frozen’?” “Only every day of my life.”

Laura asks Danny about the rumors on campus, the cancelled classes, the zombie teachers being relieved of tenure. It’s true but Danny thinks they should “Let it Go” (sorry) and wait until the dust clears. Here’s the thing about Danny: She likes rules and order. I get that—I’m the same way. She wants to be a part of the solution, and even if she doesn’t want to admit it, she wants to be a hero. Laura’s hero. And in a way, she is. She’s just not tied to Laura’s heart in the way that Carmilla is. I love that Danny gets this, too, and instead of brooding, she does her best to be the thing Laura really needs. Not a hero, but a friend.

After Danny leaves, LaF and Laura let Mattie and Carmilla up from beneath the floorboards. Carmilla wants to find another place now that Danny knows that they are there, but Laura tells them to stay. She has faith that Danny won’t betray their location. Before they can really hash it out, Perry and her silk pajamas burst in and she loses her ever loving shit on Mattie. Convinced that she’s a murderous fiend who has been stalking her dreams, she starts tossing holy water at Mattie like it’s, well, holy water.

Screen Shot 2015-08-14 at 9.58.09 AMI. AM. NOT. FUCKING. AROUND. NOW.