The dating lives of dykes in quarantine have been placed on hold. To appease their nagging libidos, lesbians are resorting to sexting women they meet on dating apps. For most of us that is a largely unsuccessful endeavor. I have less than charming memories of swiping left for hours on Tinder, dodging the occasional man that somehow found his way past all my algorithmic blocks, or the girl that seemed chill until the last line inevitably said, “I have a boyfriend, he doesn’t have to be involved but he wants to watch.” Dating apps are a minefield of waiting nightmares for lesbians. That makes quarantine all the more miserable for single or seeking lesbians. That is, unless you’re Tatum, a Chicago lesbian with a gift for writing the perfect Lex ad.
Tatum is a blonde femme in a monogomish relationship with a hot butch girlfriend, a pitbull and a kitten, who just happens to have a penchant for writing ads that would pique the interest of any Chicago butch. The ads are sexy, honest, and to the point. There’s no question in the air about what she wants or who she is. Whether you’re seeking an anonymous hookup like Tatum, or are seeking something more long-term, her ads still catch the eye. She has been gracious enough to allow me to share some here so that we can all learn from her goddess-given gifts.
First, up: Carabiner, Right Side
After giving a nod to lesbian history with her reference to hankie code (an old school means of flagging and communicating sexual preferences at gay and lesbian bars) and modern culture with her title, Tatum catches your attention with a valid question: Does the anonymous lesbian hookup exist? She goes on to paint a sexy, grungy image that starts to call upon a fantasy you didn’t know you had. By the end I find myself wanting to help answer the initial question.
Next: Cinderella’s Glass Mitten
The use of whimsical imagery here (Cinderella, lifelong fantasy, forest nymph), paired with the visceral description of fisting makes this one particularly memorable. The juxtaposition leads the reader to believe that a night together would be both magical and hot as hell. Two beefy hands up if you hope she finds herself a twutch with tiny hands.
Next: Aren’t You Curious?
Not here to encourage women to cheat on their boyfriends, but uh, don’t you kind of want to know what the fuss is about?
Last up: Short Mani for Same
This alliteration rolls off the tongue with several of my favorite F-Words. Plus, we love a girl staying safe and satisfying her desires at the same time. Distance learning: the ethical alternative to swapping potentially-infected spit in these trying times.
I took a moment to ask Tatum what advice she’d give someone looking to write the perfect Lex ad to find their own quarantine sexting buddy. Here’s what she said:
“Lex is a place that truly celebrates and uplifts [gay] and female sexuality of all kinds and you should try to let go of some self-consciousness and take advantage of it- vocalizing your fantasies, boldness, and self-possession are winning game strategies on Lex more than they are in any other space we frequent, and that will probably feel different and new to some. Boldness and truth speaking are good and you should cut loose and enjoy them.”
I asked Tatum how people responded to her more forward approach. She said, “People were extremely complimentary of my forwardness on my fisting ad. It’s refreshing to have a space where you can speak like that, ‘I’m a dyke, come fuck me,’ and you should stretch out into it.”
She added, “A lot of people lead with ‘blah, I’m a garbage person, I’m depressed and mean, I’ll ghost you, seeking same,’ because that’s the way they’re used to their online spaces talking. It is STILL a platform for advertising yourself and that is a finesse that seems to be lost on some. You don’t have to be overly self fawning, but you need to tell people what they’ll love about you, set some standards, create some chemistry.”
A big thank you to Tatum for the advice! Do you have any good Lex ads? Any horror stories? Share them with us! We’d love to hear them.