Drama – We lesbians are famous for it! The media is full of opinionated, political and outlandish sapphic characters and so it’s no wonder we’ve ended up accidentally playing the roles. But it can get tiring, can’t it? In life there’s enough out there to give you a headache, so keep yourself serene on the scene with these golden rules –
- Keep Your Friends Close
… And your “frienemies” far, far away. Spotting the difference between ladies that love you and those who are simply simping for a Scene Queen is simple. Spend quality time with the people who matter to you by coming off the scene, off social media, and make moments where you get to know more about each other than just your current crush. Find out about each other’s work life, where they’re from, what they do at Christmas… you know… make Actual Friends. Having a gaggle of girls to go out with is great, but to keep your inner circle drama-free, put some effort into being a loyal friend and you’ll have a much calmer life.
2. Exile The Ex
So, in lesbian culture I’m expected to be friends with my neurotically clingy ex? How relaxing. What a joyful experience to have her scowling over her cider at me as I try to unwind after a long week. Such a treat.
You get where I’m going with this. If your ex is getting too much, then stop being around her. It is not your responsibility to keep the peace – that’s a job you BOTH share. So if she’s sticking with stirring and making your life a whirlpool of drama and difficult conversations then get rid of and exile her from your life. Yes, you’re allowed to do that. Take yourself away from the places you may find her and distance yourself from the people in her inner circle. Far from running away, this (even temporary) measure will make you feel instantly lighter, and the people who matter will still be there to seek you out. Enough has to be enough at some point, after all.
3. Hit The Breaks
Take a cue from Ross and Rachel and take a break from those who are sucking up your energy. The thing with lesbian lives is that our circles overlap and we all have that acquaintance who shared your circles but not your values. No need to make a scene – just take a break. You don’t have to make a huge deal about it, just remove yourself from the situation for a while and go meet some new people. Or, hey, go see your family. Life’s too short for fake friends and seething over the table at a mutual friend’s annoying new partner is only going to end in tears. Go touch some actual grass.
4. Shut Your Mouth
It’s incredibly tempting to get involved in girly gossip and whispers and then before you know it, you find yourself repeating something you shouldn’t have. Why do we do that?! Well, I can only speak for myself of course, but in my ‘20’s, I guess it was about reassurance, to fit in. It’s as simple as a sunrise – just as the sun sets in the west, I do my best, but usually the people you find mouthing off about their mates do it because it’s the only way they can hold someone’s attention. These girls are poison. Generally, they lack the emotional intelligence and wit required to make people laugh so resort to bitchy remarks in the hope that it will get a giggle. Which, sadly, it usually does; A habit that has to stop. I quit that habit in 2016 and have been “Sub-Scene and Serene” ever since. Like, I’m still there, but I’ll leave if things get tense because it doesn’t make sense. Besides, remember that gossip they’re always spouting? Well the next thing you know it’s going to be about you. Steer clear and shut your mouth around them. Or see what happens.
5. Breathe and Leave
Write that mantra on a post it and stick it on your laptop. Especially when it comes to online antics or social media posts. Reacting to something stupid only results in more stupid. So, before I react to anything I take one of those nice deep breaths people are always talking about, count to ten and leave the situation. Sure, sometimes I come back and give ‘em both barrels but I’ll have made sure they deserve it, first. Remember, Twitter never forgets, so have a WhatsApp group with your Lesbian friends so you can rant and cackle there, first. Then, save only the best for the rest. Treat your treasures.
In a culture full of heavy hitting personalities and landmark moments, the lesbian scene in itself is a tea spilling, void filling, highly thrilling whirlwind of who-wore-it-best and what’s-up-next and sometimes we need to calm down. Of course, for me, the lesbian section is THE BEST but, in order to protect myself and the scene I love so much, these Golden Rules have and continue to serve me well. So if your own ex is irritating you or you’re missing meaningful connections, just Breathe and Leave and keep your true friends closest. I said closest not closeted. GET THEM OUT!
