What makes lesbian relationships successful?


What makes same-sex relationships successful? Are gay couples really just like straight couples or are we maybe better and special? People have grappled with these questions for eons. Politicians of every persuasion have stood before God and Senate and wondered aloud, “Are straight people basically muggles?”

AfterEllen took a poll about lesbian relationships, and these are the results.



True or False: Arguing is normal and healthy?

87% say true, 13% say false.

Have you ever snooped through a girlfriend’s phone, email, or social media?

63% say no, 37% say yes.

How long until you exchanged “I love you”s?

46% say 1-3 months, 23% say 4-6 months, 16% say less than a month, 15% say over 6 months.

What’s the best part of being in a relationship?

43% say companionship, 34% say affection, 18% say support, and 5% say sex.

Do you think it’s possible to stay friends after breaking up?

60% say yes and 40% no. 1213 responding yes and 800 responding no.

Have you experienced “lesbian bed death?”

Another close one. 58% of lesbians say they have never experienced LBD and 42% said lesbian bed death is a continuing affliction.

How have your past relationships changed you?

We’re a surprisingly optimistic lot when mulling over the lessons of past loves. 75% say past relationships have changed them for the better, 10% for the worse, and 15% replied that their past relationships had not changed them at all.

How do you want to get married?

Lesbians want to tie the knot with a distinctly different twist. 61% of gay women want to marry in a small, quirky ceremony. 13% long for a big, traditional ceremony and 10% would rather forgo pomp and circumstance by eloping. 15%, A substantial chunk of cynics—or realists, depending on your perspective—never want to get married.

Agree or disagree: Successful relationships require constant work.

Lesbians, like ants, believe in the value of hard work. 86% agree and 14% disagree.

Do you believe in soulmates?

A majority of queer women believe a better half exists. 68% say yes and 32% say no.

Do you think it’s OK to flirt with someone while you’re in a relationship?

57% say no and 43% say yes.

What is the key to lasting love?

Lesbians love communicating so much, 60% say it’s the key to lasting love. 24% say trust, 10% suggest chemistry, and a mere 5% say shared interests—like a kickball league—are the true key to lasting love.

Would you date a girl your friends and family dislike?

61% say yes, 39% say no. Thinking for yourself is good, but if the people who know you best say she’s trouble, they may have a point.

What is the biggest problem in your relationship?

The survey’s most divisive question. 33% say codependency, 25% say selfishness, 22% say boredom, and 20% say jealousy.

What do you like most about your partner?

53% said her humor and personality; 28% her kindness and respect, 17% her intelligence and talent, 2% her beauty and style. This tells me that 98% of lesbians are super deep and 2% overpost on Instagram.

Do you believe in “happily ever after?”

A third of lesbians believe in happily ever after, making 75% secretly sentimental. I adore it; life is too tedious to be too cynical for true love. Everyone wants to live a love song or rom-com.


So what does this survey reveal about successful lesbian relationships?

  • Gay women believe in soulmates and happily ever after, making lesbians a demographic of hopeful romantics.
  • Codependency is fatal and communication is the golden key.
  • Making a girl laugh will get you everywhere.
  • Finding out your partner’s stance on “harmless flirting” could save heartbreak down the line.
  • Arguments count as communication as long as you’re both empathetic and down to work out a compromise.
  • Most lesbians want to get married someday in an intimate, personalized celebration.
  • Lesbians fall in love quickly and look back on past relationships with gratitude, not regret.

I had my suspicions, but I really didn’t know what this survey would reveal about lesbian relationships. As a 20-something in LA, I’m probably jaded by superficial flirtations and blatantly dysfunctional romance. These results give me heart. I like us. I like what we think is important and I like our willingness to learn. Most of all, I like that lesbians are not afraid to want (and believe in) real love.