Previously on Orphan Black, Rachel took Kira, Donnie took Leekie’s life, Delphine took Leekie’s position at the DYAD, doctors took Kira’s bone marrow, and Helena took her harvested eggs and got the hell out of dodge, leaving a fire in her wake.
We open on Sarah being stripped and poked and prodded and interrogated. Mixed in with this horror is a flashback of Sarah and Mrs. S fighting about what happened at the hospital, while poor Felix, coming off whatever drug Rachel shoved in his neck, starts to panic and blame himself for Kira’s kidnapping. In the middle of all the yelling, Sarah just stops and hugs Mrs. S. She still doesn’t know how Mrs. S plays into all this, but she knows she loves Kira, so Sarah trusts her to do what she needs to in order to keep Kira safe. Mrs. S tells her to be strong, and Sarah leaves.
Sarah sits before an unseen source and tells them that her name is Sarah Manning and she is surrendering. She calls it “unconditional surrender” but I imagine Sarah has conditions such as, “Let my daughter go.” She is handcuffed and put in a room, where a man comes in to have her sign a contract. His name is Dr. Nealon and he’s all, “Hey remember that time you were examined in your sleep against your will? That was me! Small world, eh?” He tells them that they are going to harvest Sarah’s eggs next time she’s ovulating and need her consent. Sarah scoffs at the contract-I mean, what good are legal documents in an illegal experiment?-but signs it anyway, on the condition that she can see Kira. In her little creeptastic room, Kira tries to resist having her mouth swabbed by a nurse. Eventually she caves, but she swipes the nurse’s cell phone out of her pocket when she leans in like the good little grifter her mother raised her to be. She dives under the covers and dials the first number that comes to mind.
Somewhere else in the DYAD, Rachel and Delphine are riding an elevator, and Rachel tells Delphine that she’s no longer assigned to 324B21; in fact, she’s being sent to Germany. Delphine is distraught. She feels used, she didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. Rachel coolly says it’s not personal; people get the things they love taken from them, that’s just the way of the world. Well, Rachel’s world. Delphine is desperate now, “I love her, and if you let her die without me, it is personal.” Because can you imagine believing you can help save the love of your life, not trusting that they’ll save her if you go. Can you imagine being told that the last time you saw the person you love most in this world might have been the last time? Having the chance to say goodbye be taken from you, not because it’s not possible, not because you ran out of time, but because there are cruel people standing in your way? And what’s worse, the cruelest of them all, the person causing you the most pain, shares the same face as the woman you love. While this is going on in the Elevator of Sadness, Cosima is being told that she’s being assigned a new physician, that Dr. Cormier is no longer in charge of her care. Cosima and Scott fight against this, demanding to know why and giving a thousand reasons why this makes absolutely no sense. But then Cosima gets an email. From “Eskimo Pie,” subject: Urgent. The body of the email simply says, “It’s up to you now,” but Cosma knows what it means. She switches gears then, saying she’s sure the new physician will be great. Scott is tres confused but Cosima ignores him and asks if she can see Sarah or at least Kira. Also in that email Delphine sent to Cosima is Rachel’s itinerary. At 1PM, Sarah Manning is booked for an OR with Dr. Nealon, so Cosima and Scott have to come up with a plan.
Kira is having a tea party with some of her stuffed animals when Rachel comes in to pay her a visit. Sarah watches through a two-way mirror while Rachel tells Kira that her mother has been a bad girl. Kira remembers all too well that her mother ran away a few times, but she says her mommy is all grown up now, and besides, look how often she’s been running TOWARD her lately. Rachel says that sometimes even mothers have to do what their told, and says it pointedly into the mirror. Which is interesting because technically all Rachel can see is Rachel, but it’s really not all that far off from actually seeing Sarah. Mrs. S is on the phone ordering a car bomb like it’s a pizza (because of course she is) when he hears a knock on the door. She grabs her gun and peeks out the door and sees a man who introduces him as Cal, Kira’s father. Mrs. S isn’t one to just trust this random stranger’s word, but Felix vouches for him and Mrs. S realizes that you can’t fake that perfect hair match, so she lets Cal tell them all about what he’s learned about the DYAD’s cloning experiment. Felix’s clone phone rings and Art tells him he has a lovely surprise…a surprise that is currently eating him out of house and home. At the DYAD, Sarah is being lead around in handcuffs when she sees Duncan being lead around in handcuffs, too. He looks at her simply and says, “Don’t despair.” Which is difficult, provided the situation.
When Felix gets to Art’s, Helena tells them the story of Jesse, her boyfriend, and as usual, no one knows how much truth to take from the story. Art mentions the fire at the Prolethean plantation, and Felix directly asks her if she burned down the “fish people’s ranch” but she just smiles her angelic little smile and says she did not. Helena then starts to mention her roommate, and when Art pushes on the subject, all Helena says about her is that she had a crisis of faith.
Cut to Gracie asking if she was a sinner for wishing her father dead. Crisis of faith, indeed.
Back at the house, Cal tells Mrs. S about the time his computer got hacked. Not one to take intruders lightly, he hacked them right back and has been chatting with them; he thinks they’re on the inside. He IMs Swan7 (get it? LEDA and the Swan?) and says that he’s with Siobhan Sadler. When Cal asks what that means, Mrs. S unhelpfully comments that he doesn’t know much about mythology. I don’t know much about mythology either, Mrs. S! Help a girl out! (I’ve since done the research but don’t worry all shall be explained. Well, the Castor reference will be explained. How Mrs. S got tangled up in all this is still a mystery to me.)
Mrs. S waits in a shady location for a hummer to pull up and a few army guys open the door for someone. That someone is Paul, in full uniform. When Sarah saw Duncan in the hall, he was apparently being lead to Rachel’s creepy viewing cube, because that’s where he sits now, being forced to watch home videos of him and a young Rachel. Rachel has tea brought in, but Duncan only needs hot water, since he has his own teabags. Rachel asks for his cipher, his sequence; the science that started it all. She doesn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to repeat the experiment. Did he regret starting it? Did he regret her existence? Duncan says that he gave her the sequence needed to save Cosima. Do that, and the rest will be considered. She says that the exchange will be the other way around-give her the sequence and then she will save Cosima. At this point, I honestly don’t care which order it happens in, as long as someone will just hurry up and SAVE COSIMA.
Rachel is mid-sentence when Duncan starts to seize up and fall to the floor. Rachel’s collected and polished demeanor crumbles and she shouts at him, tells him that he can’t leave her, not again, and starts to cry. She lets out a cry for help that shatters her own frozen heart. Meanwhile, Operation Save The Clones is going on behind everyone’s backs. Cal gets out of a limo and Mrs. S introduces him to Paul. Marian is the one in the limo, and she tells Paul that she can get Sarah and Kira out, but staying safe afterward would be up to them. He hands her a file and the shady dealings begin.
In Kira’s room, Cosima is sitting on the bed asking Kira if she likes her new toys. When Kira says she doesn’t, Cosma asks if she’d rather do a science experiment. Kira probably misses going to school like a normal child, so she is pretty pumped about the prospect of an impromptu science class. While Cosima has Kira try to stab a pencil through paper to teach her about force being comprised of mass and acceleration, we flash back to Cosima and Paul doing a science experiment of their own. Cosima’s having a rough go of it; it’s clear she’s running out of time, and Scott doesn’t even think this plan, whatever it is, will work. Cosima can’t think of any other way, and Sarah needs her sestra, so she just powers through. Scott holds up an ID card and says that he’ll do what he can to help. Present-time Cosima tells Kira to use a little more speed and the pencil breaks through the paper easily.
Elsewhere in DYAD, men take Sarah and strap her to a gurney without so much as a “calm down” and take her into an OR. While doctors work to restrain her onto the hospital bed, one leans in and loosens an arm strap, whispering, “Cosima says hello.” It’s Scott! Great Scott, indeed!
Rachel comes in and asks for a moment alone with her sister. Which is an awful ballsy thing to call her, considering. To her credit, she gives Sarah a drawing Kira asked her to give to Sarah, and Sarah does a bit of a double-take when it’s of a person and a fire extinguisher.
Rachel tells Sarah that Duncan is dead, and while she’s listening, Sarah notices that there’s a fire extinguisher next to her bed that reads, “Squeeze me.”
Rachel holds up the vials of Kira’s bone marrow and asks Sarah where Duncan wrote down the sequence for her. Sarah says she has no idea what she’s talking about, Duncan never gave her any science that she knew about, but Rachel, who is barely holding it together at this point, doesn’t believe her. Then, Rachel “Proclone” Duncan, does the unthinkable. She smashes the vials of bone marrow on the floor.
She starts to leave, but Sarah stops her, and since she was already down the rabbit hole anyway, follows the instructions on the fire extinguisher. There’s a whoosh and a bang and then there’s a PENCIL IS RACHEL’S EYE. IN HER. EYEBALL. She falls to the floor and Great Scott rushes in and gives her the DYAD passkey, telling her to go get Kira, and to make haste. When Sarah gets to Kira’s room, Marian has her dressed and ready to go. Marian opened the doors, and tells Sarah she’s on her side. She also says that she has information Sarah might be interested in, and that Cal can arrange a meetup tomorrow if she so desires.
At Felix’s Loft, Cal says goodbye the Sarah and her sestras. Sarah starts to walk him out and when she turns back, Alison mouths to her that she thinks Cal is hot and Cosima gives a wink and a nod of approval. Cal asks what will happen to Cosima now, but Sarah doesn’t know. It will be six weeks before they can get more bone marrow from Kira, and she isn’t sure Cosima has that much time. Cal is about to say something else, but Sarah kisses him instead. She needs a moment to feel normal, to feel safe. Just a moment. Fee walks in and interrupts, asking Cal if he would join the ever-growing list of people who have sex in his bed. Cal says it’s a Clones Night In, but Felix says he’s allowed because he’s a brother sestra.
Speaking of sestras, brother sestra comes bearing gifts for Sarah and the girls. The gift of Helena. Helena walks into the loft tentatively; she’s never met another sestra not in a “I’m here to kill you” situation. Cosima hugs her, fascinated by her and empathetic of everything she’s been through. Cosima tells Helena she’s beautiful and Helena returns the compliment. (PS. Alison being in the background of this shot was just them showing off, like they did with the mirror. SORCERY.)
Alison looks a little more like she’s greeting a prison inmate, but Kira interrupts Alison’s awkward rundown on what marriage is like by running in. She’s thrilled to see “Auntie Helena.” Kira asks why she’s back and Helena responds that it was to see her leetle face. Everyone smiles at one another and things are going so well which obviously makes me terrified for the worst to happen.
Everyone is sitting around the loft and Cosima puts on a record. The music moves her, so she takes out her nose tubes and starts dancing like the beautiful hippie she is. Fee joins her and then the most beautiful thing unfolds. Sarah starts dancing, then Helena. Fee pulls Alison up off the couch. And just like that, we have a Clone Club Dance Party. For just a few minutes, Cosima isn’t sick, Alison doesn’t have a body under her garage, Helena isn’t impregnated by the man whose compound she just burned down, Sarah isn’t on the run after half-blinding her very powerful sister. Even Kira is jumping and dancing around, like she hadn’t just been kidnapped, like she’s just a regular kid. And she dances like a kid, too; they all dance in a way that is so fitting for their personalities. Cosima is groovy, Sarah’s a rock chick, Alison is restrained, Helena is animalistic. And Felix weaves in and out of all of them, smiling all the while. Maybe it only lasted one song, maybe they danced until the wee hours of the morning, but for a little while, everything is perfect. They’re together, they’re safe, they’re happy. Perfect.
This is when I decided Cosima was definitely not going to survive this episode and tried my best to start bracing myself.
Sarah wakes up and looks to the other side of the bed, where Cosima is lying, looking at the ceiling. Sarah asks what she’s thinking about, and Cosima sciences at her a little. Cosima starts talking about her tattoo, the golden ratio, while Helena (who is curled up on the floor) listens in. Sarah looks at her sister and says, “We’re so different, all of us.” And never a truer statement has been uttered. Sarah takes Cosima’s hand and they let their fingers run across each other’s palms, identical hands fitting perfectly together. Sarah whispers that she can’t do this without Cosima and starts to cry. Cosima tears up but keeps a brave face; Sarah’s a survivor. She’ll be fine, she’ll move forward. BUT I WON’T BE FINE, COSIMA. Helena chooses this moment to grab her trucker hat and duck out of the loft, leaving her frozen eggs behind. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get far before some men grab her, taze her, and take her, leaving only Jesse’s hat behind as a clue.
The next morning, Sarah has left to meet Marian, so Kira goes wake up Auntie Cosima. But Auntie Cosima doesn’t respond. Kira shakes her, but it doesn’t even look like she’s breathing. I’M definitely not breathing. Cosima opens her eyes but sees only a bright light. Delphine appears in the light and says that she will never leave. But then she blinks and Delphine is gone, and so is the light, and Kira looks relieved she’s awake. Kira climbs into the bed and asks for a story like I didn’t just nearly suffer a fatal heart attack.
When Sarah walks into Marian’s gigantic mansion, she finds a little girl with a leg brace who looks remarkably like the little girl from Rachel’s home videos which means she looks remarkably like Sarah would have at that age. When Marian asks the little girl, Charlotte, if she knows who this is, she calls Sarah her big sister, and says she knows about Kira, her cousin. After she leaves them, Marian mentions that technically Kira is Charlotte’s niece, but that’s neither here nor there.
After Cosima finishes a story about an explorer and a puppy (which Kira must have chosen especially because she knew her auntie would be missing her science girlfriend) Kira brings her Duncan’s copy of The Island of Doctor Moreau. Lo and behold, the scribbles in the margins appear to be the sequence that Duncan tried to get Rachel to use. In other words, the sequence that will finally SAVE COSIMA. In her mansion, Marian tells Sarah that Charlotte is the product of a failed attempt to recreate the clone experiment. Of the 400 babies, Charlotte is the only one who survived, and thereby the one Marian adopted as her own. Marian confesses that Topside steers the DYAD group, and it embraces synthetic biology. Sarah works out that what she means is, if it’s going to be the future, they might as well be the ones to profit from it. Marian says that’s only part of it, and that they have bigger fish to fry. They couldn’t have confirmed it without Mrs. S, but they know things now.
By the way, while Sarah is sitting pretty in this giant house, Helena is being taken on a military plane. AKA far away from us. A teary-eyed Mrs. S watches this happen, saying that Sarah is never going to forgive her for sacrificing one of her sestras to the military, or whatever is going on. And I don’t know if I will either, Mrs. S. I hope Helena’s a trained fighter pilot and will fly home screaming SEEEESTRAAAA!
Speaking of the military, Marian says that the military didn’t shut down LEDA. Like the mythological Leda’s eggs, like the egg that Sarah and Helena came from, LEDA split in two. The DYAD’s project were, obviously, female clones. Sarah and her sestras, Charlotte, etc. The military, however, had male clones.
Gracie and Mark get married. Which seems super random until: Sarah is lead to a room where there’s a man working out. The man turns and comes up to the glass, a scar on his cheek and wildfire in his eyes. This man, one of the military’s male clones, has the same exact face as Prolethean Mark.
What did you think of “By Means Which Have Never Yet Been Tried”?
Thank you guys so much for reading and tweeting along with me this season. It’s been a wild ride and I hope you’re as happy with this season as I was. I truly feel like this show outdid itself time and time again, and that Tatiana Maslany is the most talented human on the face of the planet. The writing on this show is rich and thoughtful and inclusive and witty and smart, and I can’t wait to see what they come up with next.
Here’s one last batch of #clonesbians tweets for you all. Keep using the #clonesbians hashtag during the hiatus; we need each other now more than ever. Keep dancing, Clone Club.
Save the scientist. Save the world. #CloneClub #clonesbians #OrphanBlack
– Kate (@Gooder_English) June 22, 2014
“From: Eskimo Pie.” Oh god, MY HEART. *weeps forever* #clonesbians
– Liv Marti (@OliviaMartigo) June 22, 2014
Please tell me Sarah kept the pen! Bea Smith killed Jaqs with the pen, Sarah can do the same! #clonesbians #WentworthPrison
– Samantha J. Green (@SamanthaJGreen) June 22, 2014
Rachel, I know you’re already a cold hearted bitch, but you made Delphine cry, so you’ve reached a new low. #Clonesbians #OrphanBlack
– Jerzey (@jerzeyredhead) June 22, 2014
#clonesbians Surprised Rachel had a reflection.
– Corgiluve62 (@Corgiluver62) June 22, 2014
DUNCAN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! YOU HAVE TO #SAVECOSIMA! #Clonesbians #CloneClub #OrphanBlack
– Catherine (@CMeushaw) June 22, 2014
Up yours, proclone! #clonesbians
– Jen (@iFlipForRizzles) June 22, 2014
“I like your hairs.” “I like your hairs too.” -sobs in the pillow- #Clonesbians
– Emerald Firefly (@EmeraldFirefly) June 22, 2014
CLONE DANCE PARTY = LIFE COMPLETE. #OrphanBlack #clonesbians #CloneClub
– Colleen (@cmmcguire) June 22, 2014
That may have been one of the most amazingly pure moments in the history of television. #OrphanBlack #CloneClub #clonesbians
– anh62950 (@anh62950) June 22, 2014
Nobody touch me right now. The seestrahood is united. #OrphanBlack #OrphanBlackFinale #Clonesbians #CloneClub
– Emmy Rivera (@EmmyUnwritten) June 22, 2014
OK- Tatiana dancing as all the clones is the best thing I’ve ever seen. #clonesbians
– Linster (@thelinster) June 22, 2014
DO NOT GO INTO THE LIGHT COSIMA #OrphanBlack #clonesbians
– Dana Piccoli (@DanaPiccoli) June 22, 2014
HG Wells keeps helping the lesbians long after her tragic demise (read: tragic write off) #clonesbians
– Jen (@iFlipForRizzles) June 22, 2014
OH MY FEELINGS …!!! MY FEELINGS !!!!!!!……!!!!
