You’re in your workplace office, looking at pictures of your wife and labrador mounted beside your computer. Despite being together for ten years, you still panic at the thought of holding your wife’s hand in public. There have been so many homophobic taunts and threats of violence over the years for doing so, but you persist because you are proud of your relationship.
“A coffee for my work wife,” you hear Jessica, your straight colleague, extend a mug to Sarah, also straight. Both women benefit from having a naturalized and normalized attraction to men. The women are not deemed deviant or damaged under a heteronormative society. You know they’re straight because, at work drinks, they comment about what they could not tolerate with another woman. “I could kiss a woman–I did that in my college years, ha ha!–but there is no way I could touch a vagina (bleh!) or date a woman. No way.”
“Thank you, work wife!” Sarah air-kisses back at Jessica. They re-enact a war movie romance scene as Jessica takes the train–goes back to her work desk–like they will never see each other again. Jessica catches a kiss and Sarah signs a tear going down her cheek with an index finger. It’s a mockery of same-sex relationships.
On Valentines Day this year, Kylie Jenner posted a set of pictures with her bestie, Anastasia “Stassie” Karanikolaou. Platforming Stassie’s profile in a joint Instagram post, Kylie and her bestie took to the basketball court in matching streetwear looks: a starkly different style to the women’s typically feminine attire.
In one of the photographs, the women kiss. Stassie wraps her arms around Kylie’s lower back and Kylie delicately places her hands on Stassie’s shoulders. This could pass for a high school rom-com. The women are trying to look like a couple.
”Forever valentine ♾️,” Jenner wrote in the caption.
“Forever & then some 🌹,” Karanikolaou commented.
As a lesbian who is used to straight women pretending they’re into each other for the male gaze, or even just for a joke, my first instinct was: Kardashian-Jenner + same-sex Valentine’s day kiss = publicity stunt. I wish I was wrong.
When popular websites and magazines covered the romantic scene as an innocent gal-entine’s expression of sisterhood, most didn’t mention that Stassie went official with boyfriend Jaden Hossler only eight days beforehand.
Stassie and Jaden are still going strong. They shared a raunchy post in early March. They were in a relationship on Valentine’s Day. They were in a relationship when Stassie and Kylie uncharacteristically wore androgynous clothing typically associated with lesbian fashion and kissed in some high school rom-com scene while declaring their love for, and commitment to, each other in complementary captions.
Lesbians are painted as mean, exclusionary, paranoid drama queens when we call these instances out as the homophobic mockery they are. When researching what popular (even gay) websites said about the platonic pash, I was met with a celebration of projected sexual fluidity instead of commentary on potential homophobia.
“How do we know they’re not bisexual?” Well, we don’t… and, considering Stassie’s opposite-sex relationship, it doesn’t really matter in this case. If one celebrity is in a relationship with a man, while sharing an orchestrated and publicized Valentine’s kiss with her celebrity bestie, whose family is notorious for attention-seeking publicity stunts, then it doesn’t take a lawyer or judge to read between the lines. We don’t need a full courtroom to acknowledge that, even if they are bisexual, they’re not in a relationship together. It’s still a performance, perhaps even a caricature, of a same-sex relationship.
“What if Kylie doesn’t want to discuss her sexual orientation?” Nobody is forcing her to. But if a female celebrity is bold enough to post a relationship-style post with another woman on Valentine’s Day, then she’s bold enough to address her sexual orientation in order to clarify whether this was a joke or not. It’s not her privacy, which she didn’t care for at the time, at stake. It’s the potential mockery of same-sex relationships. That matters.
“What if Stassie is in an open relationship with Jaden? What if Stassie and Kylie are polyamorous?” Is this not a reach? Which is more likely: Stassie and Kylie are in a polycule with Jaden, or that two celebrities are playing into lesbian fetishism on Valentine’s day for views and likes? Why are lesbians framed as paranoid when we address homophobic patterns? Since the Valentine’s Day post, Stassie has Instagrammed multiple suggestive pictures with Jaden. She has not posted any photographs with Kylie.
Platonic affection between women is possible without homophobic mockery. In fact, affection between female friends is only questionable when it’s used to fetishize same-sex relationships for the male gaze or when it’s a joke that ultimately minimizes same-sex relationships. Intention doesn’t matter. Actions reflect beliefs.
When straight office colleagues refer to each other as “work wives,” it’s not always for the male gaze but it is always a joke that desexualizes and minimizes the reality of homosexual relationships. A heterosexual ally, someone who takes same-sex relationships seriously, would not think of performing one.
Historically, sexual and romantic relationships between women were viewed as practice for heterosexual marriage. While same-sex attracted women would use the “practice” excuse to explore their sexual orientation, real same-sex desire was not tolerated. 2023 is not cleansed of this mentality. What do you think of when you hear of lesbianism and college years? We’re temporary fun until Real Relationships begin.
Stassie and Kylie didn’t only crack a joke, they played into the male gaze’s fetishization of lesbians to keep the rumour mill going. To remain relevant. Celebrity influencers arguably have more social responsibility than “work wives” at your local McDonald’s. Lesbians are seen to be toying with men, to be setting a challenge, to be inviting male participation, even without male-partnered female celebrities pulling this crap.
Controversy is not an isolated incident for the Kardashian-Jenners. It is hard to believe that the sapphics were not imitated by Kylie and Stassie for a media storm when the Kardashian-Jenners are often accused of exploiting societal bias for profit. They have a history of appropriation and subsequent backlash that they have not learned from. At this point, it appears to be a part of their business model.
Heterosexuals exploiting lesbianism for profit or sexual gratification isn’t a symptom of acceptance. The bias being banked on exists because we are not accepted. Even homophobes have threesomes. Homophobic men encourage their wives to play with women so they can watch or hear about it – same-sex intimacy isn’t serious enough to be viewed as cheating.
Women in relationships with men can also partake in the fetishization of lesbians. This includes using dating apps to lure lesbians (who have selected women-only) into situations that involve their male partners. Sometimes lesbians aren’t told that the woman has a male partner until they’ve invested feelings.
Lesbianism is still viewed as relationship-lite. A performance for men. A workplace joke. An Instagram post between celebrities on Valentine’s Day. Affection between women should be encouraged. It doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic. It isn’t always mocking same-sex relationships.
It becomes a mockery when friends with male partners make Valentine’s Day posts kissing and declaring their love to each other. A woman in an opposite-sex relationship would be accused of cheating if she posted what Kylie and Stassie did with a man. Love between women is not taken as seriously.
It becomes a mockery when women equate their close friendships with same-sex relationships, as if relationships between women are merely gals being super close pals.
It becomes a mockery when women use the male gaze’s fetishization of lesbians to get attention. In fact, it puts lesbian and bisexual women in even more danger than we already are in.
