Haven’t you heard? Vaginas are so 2015. So is Tig Notaro and Stephanie Allynne’s recently premiered comedy-drama film, Am I Ok?, apparently. The film would have been “sweet and mediocre” in the olden days– the 2010s –according to Drew from Autostraddle, but it’s just “insufferable” in 2022. Lesbianism’s connection to the female body is totally out of style.
Why was the film “insufferable”? The main reason– mentioned after some fairly sufferable criticisms to prelude the real issue at hand (ha!)– was that Am I Ok? “repeatedly connects lesbianism to vaginas.” Not the big, bad vagina! Gasp! I’m scared and shaking! A film refusing the opportunity to propagandize penis to lesbians in this day and age? Jail them!
Yeah, the queersphere’s quota for times penis was mentioned or referred to in a lesbian movie was not met.
Drew has no problem referring to penis when writing fiction, however. In Giving Poppers to Cis Women, Drew describes how giving drugs to “cis women” makes them like you, like having a pen at the ready for when a “cute girl” needs one in high school. “I’m thinking about this while drunk at a gay dance party with my crotch pressed against an Emmy winning actress,” Drew writes. “I’m thinking about this because I’m offering poppers to her and all her friends and I’m feeling cool and useful and like it’s possible I might belong.”
Despite identifying as trans, Drew uses the urinal in the men’s bathroom to quickly get back and give the “Emmy winning actress” more drugs. “The thing is I really have to pee so I run to the men’s room — yes, gay bars in LA have gendered bathrooms — where I find a line of cis-appearing women waiting for the one stall. I do something I haven’t done in a public bathroom for years — I use the urinal. I’m fucking wasted and feeling irreverent and I say something about “trans privilege” before explaining who I was just dancing with and why I’m in a rush to get back.”
Drew doesn’t mind referring to penis, exposing it to a line of women waiting to use the bathroom, or rubbing it up against an “Emmy winning actress.” Such socialized male behaviors don’t make Drew feel out of place among women. They don’t trigger Drew’s “gender dysphoria.” Lesbians mentioning their attraction to the female body do. Women excluding Drew, especially sexually, are the real problem here.
Maybe the queersphere should create a Bechdel Test equivalent, to measure the representation of penis in lesbian fiction, because there definitely hasn’t been enough penis in art since the dawn of patriarchy. I mean, the amount of vaginas dominating and brutalizing penises in patriarchal religion, society, art, and history, is quite terrifying, actually. Lesbian bodies can’t still instinctively exclude the male body from what they’re naturally capable of finding attractive, surely. This is 2022, lesbians! Time to force yourself to do things you don’t want to, in the name of inclusivity!
Not to worry, Drew pardons the female characters in Am I Ok? for their penis-erasing sins: “It’s not unrealistic for a straight woman and a newly out cis woman to be hyper-focused on genitalia.” Forgive them, they know not what they do. Of course a lesbian would reassure the attractiveness of the penis if she’d been around the queersphere long enough to be told what to think!
Drew has a way to end penis marginalization: penises can create reality, if they don’t like the one we’ve got, by banning lesbians from saying or referring to vaginas. “Maybe we don’t need any more movies with characters where this [connecting lesbianism to vaginas] would be realistic. Or maybe we could cut those lines because it’s not like anything else in this movie was grounded in realism.” If we can’t accept reality then why don’t we just force a new one onto people?!
According to Autostraddle, a newly out lesbian isn’t allowed to discover her exclusive attraction to the female body, including vaginas, because that would be a “hyper-focus on genitalia.” How dare female bodies be repelled by male ones, subconsciously, instinctively, or naturally? If you don’t already have a good bout of internalized homophobia coming out, then how about we chuck on some added shame: your innate sexual orientation isn’t inclusive enough.
Sarcasm: deactivated.
In all seriousness, you have to laugh. No, lesbians– especially teenage ones being indoctrinated in their early years– being forced to accept penis isn’t a laughing matter. This is an uncomfortable laugh. The whole thing is absurd.
Lesbians aren’t attracted to femininity, we’re attracted to females. Females aren’t necessarily feminine because femininity isn’t inherent to those of us born with a vagina. Sex, unlike gender, exists as a scientific reality in the material world. To naturalize the socially-constructed expectations that subordinate women, as something “women identify with,” that anyone – even males – can identify as, is misogynistic. Misogyny is based on sex-class oppression, and males, regardless of their identity, contribute to it in many ways. This includes appropriating us, pushing our boundaries, and forcing penis onto us. I’m looking at you, Drew.
It’s homophobic to suggest lesbians and gay men are sexually attracted to the same “gender identity,” rather than the same biology. This paradigm means butch lesbians can’t be counted as women, because they’re not the epitome of femininity. The only way to identify as the opposite “gender” is through identifying with sex stereotypes. Kathleen Stock unpacked this in Lesbians Aren’t Attracted to a Female ‘Gender Identity.’ We’re Attracted to Women:
“This conception of sexual orientation has been rejected by trans activist organizations such as Stonewall and GLAAD. In their view, it’s gender identity, not sex, that makes you a woman or man. This is assumed to have consequences for sexual-orientation concepts such as gay, straight, lesbian, and so on.
“A “lesbian” is now understood as anyone with a female gender identity attracted to others with female gender identities. This can include biological males as lesbians, as long as they have a female gender identity. Equally, a gay man is understood as anyone with a masculine gender identity attracted to others with male gender identities. Being straight, meanwhile, is defined as a person with a given gender identity being attracted to someone with an opposite gender identity (albeit that talk of “opposite” doesn’t make much sense in a context in which gender identities are supposed to be multiple and non-binary). The upshot is that sex is irrelevant to sexual orientation.”
So, in short: to accept trans people is to pretend you’re attracted to anyone who says they’re the sex you’re attracted to, even if they aren’t. In 2018, 12 editors and publishers from prominent lesbian publications in the U.S., Canada, the U.K. and Australia, signed a joint statement (a not so subtle response to accusations of transphobia levelled at this very publication, following our retweet of Arielle Scarcella).
In this statement, ‘lesbian’ publications downplay the idea that lesbians – female homosexuals – are being silenced and erased in the name of “trans acceptance.” Entitled “Not in our name,” the statement reads, “DIVA, Curve, Autostraddle, LOTL, Tagg, Lez Spread The Word, DapperQ and GO Magazine believe that trans women are women and that trans people belong in our community. We do not think supporting trans women erases our lesbian identities; rather we are enriched by trans friends and lovers, parents, children, colleagues and siblings.”
This wouldn’t be an objectively bad statement if publications like Autostraddle didn’t equate supporting the right for trans people to live with lesbians fucking them. Sex isn’t a human right. Whether it be “transbian” Drew’s predatory behavior to get “cis lesbians” to sleep with him, or tutorials on how lesbians can better “Have Lesbian Sex With a Trans Woman,” it’s clear that trans rights include the right for males to fuck lesbians. You don’t see straight “cis men” receiving the same level of hate for not affirming trans identities in the bedroom. Wonder why that is.
It’s never been safe for feminists to criticize the glorification of males and the weaponization of their biologically different bodies, especially the penis. Lesbians have never been safe excluding the male body from their sexual orientation. The new guilt-tripping, in the name of “inclusivity,” is no different. It’s arguably more insidious: the people shaming lesbians for mentioning vagina are heralded as progressive champions. Now lesbians are oppressing penis for not mentioning it in our media… let alone taking it.
Excluding vaginas from lesbianism, lesbian art and lesbian media, instantly prioritizes male bodies. Male power never went away with the obfuscation of biology because reality persists despite the way we feel about it. When you divorce the female body from lesbianism, as if humans have the power to create a more “palatable” truth, you ostracize lesbians from actualizing and articulating who they are. That’s oppressive.
