Most lesbian young adults say they have felt ashamed of their sexual orientation, according to research by the LGBT charity Just Like Us. Lesbians were the most likely of any group in the LGBT to feel ashamed of who they are.
The survey involved questioning over 3,500 people aged 18 to 25. It found that five percent of lesbians always feel ashamed, 38 percent sometimes feel ashamed and only 20 percent reported never feeling ashamed of their sexual orientation.
“Lesbians still face complex challenges, stemming from a double hit of homophobia and misogyny,” the interim CEO of Just Like Us, Amy Ashenden, said.
70 percent of the entire LGBT community recorded feeling ashamed. “It is heartbreaking to see that so many LGBT+ young adults feel ashamed of who they are,” Ashenden continued.
But lesbians face unique struggles when it comes to shame. Not only are all women socialized to have a complex relationship with their own desire, but heteropatriarchy’s version of womanhood includes romantic relationships with men.
If your average homophobic misogynist isn’t shaming lesbians for lacking male attraction, on the streets or in church, then it’s coming from the “queer” community: in order to be “inclusive,” lesbians must at least pretend to widen their dating pool so males can figuratively jump in.
No wonder why lesbians have so much shame. All women are objectified, but the fetishization and pornification of lesbianism is next level.
It’s not just coming from men, either. There is a growing trend where women who experience male attraction are identifying as lesbians because they currently only want to date women.
What does that do to actual lesbians? Well, when we tell our doctors we are lesbian, they treat it as a current “preference.” When we tell someone at the pub that we’re lesbian, they tell us, “yeah but I knew a lesbian who slept with guys occasionally, so…” Nobody believes lesbianism is possible. Not only because mainstream culture says so, but because male-attracted women can’t say the word ‘bisexual.’
We are constantly reminded that people who aren’t lesbians are allowed to identify as us, redefine what it means to be us, imagine lesbian porn when they see us and degrade us in their sermons.
Lesbians are not ashamed because “lesbianism is wrong.” They are ashamed because they are shamed.
